I had an email the other day from a subscriber overseas who offered some thoughts on my last post about intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivators. I really resonated with his parting words and I’m sure you will too:

“I write this as a parent who is quick to motivate with threats, slower to motivate with praise and weak in praying for God to change my children”

Even when I’m teaching in a classroom (one of my many hats) I often find it’s easier to deal out a bunch of threats while ignoring the kids who are getting on with what they should be doing. Demerit! I find my energy being consumed by putting out the fires of poor behaviour and not being proactive enough to praise and reward kids who are behaving well.  What was that about a merit award system…?

What we all really want to do though is have our kids willingly, self motivatedly, get on and do what’s needed and what’s right. We want them to get on with their schoolwork. We want them to help out around the home. We want them to refrain from fighting with their siblings. Anything else?

Still, I think we should have a good heart to heart. Pause and ask yourself… ‘What do I really want for my kids?’

There’s a verse in the Bible from Jesus that says ‘Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also’. 

So wherever or whatever you treasure most for your kids…that’s where your heart is. Could be in educational success. Educational success may be about status. It might be about good job prospects, wealth and the short lived satisfaction that comes from materialism.

The Bible has a word that describes a much more worthy pursuit.

What is it? Godliness.

Now godliness is a bit of a strange word…sounds very churchy, very pious.

But really it just means ‘reverence for God and what He cares about’. Right attitude to God, basically.

Why everyone cares about godliness

First of all, people just do value godliness even though they aren’t Christian!

For example: Why do non Christian people send their kids to Christian schools?

A few reasons I guess, but one at least would be godliness. Well a form of godliness, anyway. Non Christian parents, even in our post Christian secularised western societies, still recognise the value of ‘Christian morals and value systems’. They look at State schools and think…’it’s a zoo in there and I want a stronger framework for my kids to learn in’. They don’t trust the State schools to look after their kids.

Second, people just do because godliness has made sense of the world and rings true across societies, across cultures…

Christian (also Judeo-Christian) values that have been ‘rubbing off’ on societies for millennia. Countless cultures and societies have been shaped and reformed and grown through the influence of Christian doctrine, values and morality. But this ‘rubbing off’ on society does not sort out the deep problem each of us has between God and ourselves. Instead the values we appreciate (and at times seek to deny or overthrow e.g. heterosexual marriage) are an echo that if traced back to the source can be life saving. ‘Seek and you will find’, says Jesus.

Third: But here's the take home summary from the Bible: ‘Godliness with contentment is great gain both now and for the life to come’ 1 Timothy 6:6

Extrinsic motivation for godliness in our kids
To sort out the deep problem of our broken relationship with God we need a deep cleanse. We need, as my friend pointed out in his email, help that is extrinsic to us.

The source of true godliness for our kids is first of all extrinsic…it happened outside of us some  2000 years ago when Jesus died on the cross for our sins and rose to life as Lord.

Here’s how the New Testament letter to Titus puts it:

"But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of his mercy". (Titus 3:4, NIV)

The most powerful motivator for godliness arrived when God sorted out the core problem. He sent His Son Jesus to wipe out our debt. When someone writes off your debt, you are eternally thankful, if you truly appreciate the debt that has been wiped. But the reality is that our thankfulness doesn't happen automatically. Strange but true. Our problem is deeper than a debt that is external to us and blocking our relationship with God.

Intrinsic motivators to godliness in our kids
To move us in the right direction, we need God's help and lots of it. The Bible also promised long before Jesus arrived to change us from within; writing God’s law on hearts so we would be moved to thankfulness, to listen, obey and benefit from God’s extrinsic work of salvation. Yes we need help to pick up the free prezzie under the Christmas tree.

Listen to how Titus goes on to deep dive into where true intrinsic motivation for godliness comes from:

“He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit whom he poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior” (Titus 3:5-6, NIV)

We need God’s Spirit in us to soften our hearts, quicken our minds to action. He gives us His Holy Spirit when we believe in Jesus for our salvation.

What does this all practically mean for motivating our kids?

Well we can teach them all we like. We can send them to Christian schools even. We can hope the church they go to does a good job. But as my friend noted:

“I’m not sure it is a matter of internal over external motivators but I agree with this - that if the internal is not changed, the externals will not make a lasting difference”. In order to motivate my children I need to first pray for God to give them his Holy Spirit who will change and motivate them by God’s word and through the wisdom and example of others to live in a godly way".

Amen.

Isn’t that a very practical and sound goal for us as parents?

To commit to prayer for our kids…not just for the sporting and academic excellence. Not just for friendship ups and downs or when they are in ill health. Instead we should be concerned for their godliness. Our treasure for them must be their reverence for God and concern to live in a way that pleases Him. But to do that, we need to pray for God to motivate them and apply the external salvation of Jesus’ appearing, to their hearts.

Time to get on our knees and focus our prayers on stuff that is truly profitable, yes?

Get your church or school to hear all about God's salvation through one of Anton’s Antics live shows. Book now for Christmas season www.antonsantics.com