Whether you are a parent trying to get your child to practice their musical instrument or running a classroom or kids ministry…it’s the same question isn’t it?

How do you motivate them? The carrot or the stick?

The old picture of the donkey with the whip ready at its behind and the carrot dangling on a pole over its head reminds us of these two basic motivators: Reward and punishment. But are these the only motivators? Is there anything higher we can strive for as parents?

Extrinsic motivators

Reward and punishment are extrinsic motivators. We touched on this subject in last post. So we might try and motivate our kids to learn their musical instrument with rewards such as pocket money or treats. Similarly at kid’s church we might give prizes to the kids who come every week for a month. At the opposite end we might motivate kids with punishments… ‘If you don’t do your practice you’ll have no play dates this week!”

I heard a good sermon last weekend. My pastor started off with this little illustration and question about how we might motivate our kids. Then he asked if there was a higher way. What do you think…is there any better motivators than reward and punishment? Are rewards bad? Is punishment too negative? Does the Bible show us how to motivate our kids?

Is reward a bad motivator?

Looking at the Bible, rewards are certainly not bad. Those who trust in Jesus to the end are promised the wait will be worth it. (Think of the book of Revelation or Hebrews ‘let us not miss out on such a reward’)

The New Testament teaches us to ‘run for the prize’…certainly the idea of reward is not foreign or seen as a negative. (Philippians?)

Is punishment a bad motivator?

Again, the Bible is clearly ready to warn us of the dangers of unfaithfulness and idolatry.

Promise of punishment is a strong motivator to keep the faith and hold onto the promise of God to judge the world and save those holding fast to Him (the letter of 2 Peter comes to mind)

However both reward and punishment are extrinsic motivators, they push or constrain us to behave a certain way from outside ourselves. Does the Bible show us another way that is even more beneficial and desirable?

Yes it does. God has something better, higher in mind. We saw in the letter of Titus (chapter 2) how it is the good news of Jesus Christ that motivates us from within to do what is right.

‘Grace has appeared!’ my pastor emphasized.

I loved being taught to consider what this ‘grace appearing’ might mean.

-God became man

--Jesus’ continual kindness to the sick, poor and down trodden.

-Jesus’ miracles overturning the chaos and brokenness of our world

-Jesus willingly dying in our place to pay for our wrong

-Jesus being raised to new life to give us a new heart and eternal life

‘Grace has appeared!’

All of this ‘grace appearing’ has a purpose…’it teaches us to live in way that shows respect for God ‘

In other words, grace, is our intrinsic motivation. God’s Spirit multiplies that grace in our lives so that what ‘His love has done’ moves from information, to appreciation and into action. Action that isn’t just motivated by reward or punishment. Instead it is action that is motivated from within by a renewed attitude of love toward God and others.

It goes like this…’I’m doing this act of love because I want to; Ultimately, I want to please God; I’m not terrified of Him, or am I seeking to earn my way into heaven. Instead, I’m secure in His love for me and I know that love toward others is the most worthwhile thing I can do’.

Intrinsic motivators

How much better is it if your child finds some internal motivation, generated by their own willingness, freely to do their music practice?! Fat chance?! Ok there are rare kids out there that LOVE to play their instruments and you can’t stop them. They have powerful intrinsic motivation. They don’t need the threat of punishment. They find the idea of a reward, trivial. To deny them time with their instrument is suffering too great. But that’s rare. Or is it?

What makes a kid determined to get better at math or reading? Not always reward is it? And it’s very unlikely to be punishment. Recognition? Teacher’s approval? Self worth? Peer standing? A sense of achievement that I can improve?

All of these are more intrinsic aren’t they?

I remember using a system of rewards for kids who came regularly to kid’s church. It was a lucky dip prize box that a previous children’s minister had used, so I kept using it to see what kind of impact it had. I have to say I felt sorry for the little kids who looked so forward to it. I really wanted them to have higher aspirations. I fear they spent the term getting anxious they might miss a week and not get the trinket.

Perhaps they’ll find their own intrinsic reward. Perhaps we need to give kids little bits of responsibility, let them ‘own’ things; but can we teach them or help them to find those intrinsic motivators?

What ideas do you have for encouraging them to find such motivation?

I know sometimes with chores that it’s tempting to offer pocket money for them doing the dishes or taking the rubbish out. But really, I’d rather they just did it because they felt they were making a valuable contribution to the home. I’d rather they find joy that to ‘give is better than to receive’.

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Image source https://blogs.thegospelcoalition.org/justintaylor/2011/12/05/donkeys-carrots-sticks-and-the-gospel/